Art Studio.....back up and running!!!! (and new work in progress)

Yes it's been a long time coming, but it's back.....I finally will have somewhere quiet to work on my art, and my homework.....I'm sooooooooo happy I could die!!

and here it is.......

and here is my new work in progress (drawing of my bf)

WWAD.

I've spent the past 2 days cleaning and organizing my stuff, stuff that I have accumulated over a period of 15 years. This is not an easy feat.....and it's hard parting with some of my things, but I must do it. I'm by no means a minimalist but part of my brain needs minimalism to keep myself calm. My creativity needs clutter....therein lies the problem of my life!

I go through phases where I throw everything away and then regret it. I think because it becomes so overwhelming that I figure it's the only thing I can do. There has to be a better way though......doesn't there? I'm trying to follow the whole "if you haven't worn an item of clothing for a year then throw it out" rule........but the problem is that I think that maybe one day I will work at a job where I can wear my own clothing and then I will be sad that I threw it all away.

At the same time, I want everything gone! hahaha....it's hard to be me sometimes! :P


So school is starting again very soon and I'm super excited! What has happened to me? I used to really loathe school, but I think it's because now I'm doing something that I really want to do that I get excited about it. I actually really can't wait to start my Abnormal Psychology class....I know it has nothing to do with Makeup Artistry but I loooove it! I like working my brain.....and I love learning new things!

I don't want summer to end though.....

Sun in the Shade and randomness.

Ahhhhh it's so beautiful out here in the shade. I mean it's great in the sun too but if you know me you know that I don't get along with the sun that well. Though I must say I have actually gotten a tan this year, and now I look like an average human.
I'm also kinda bored and hungry which is why I'm writing this. I forgot to charge my ebike and I'm stranded in Dundas......not that I'm complaining.

Hahaha......so I dyed my hair black again. Surprise! Don't hassle me about it, you knew it would happen again someday! and yes I'll most likely hate it when my stupid white hairs start showing through, but just deal with it.

Tomorrow is Tuesday, so that means......nothing to you.....but to me it means another day off. I will do something fun and I will do atleast one piece of art. Even if it kills me.

I also have a feeling that I may quit my job much sooner than expected....I don't think I'm down with the whole just 2 days a week thing.....just 1 hour spent there turns me into a depressed bag of shit who wants nothing more than to crawl in a hole and sleep forever. And before you can say it can't be that bad....let me cut you off by saying IT IS!!!!!

Ok now I'm getting toasty out here and my feet are on fiyahhhhh! gonna go pick off the rest of my nailpolish! yeahhhhh

Inspire me.....please.

I'm in dire need of inspiration today. That dumb bat really messed with my sleep and I now have wasted literally the whole day trying to wake up.
I have a pile of art books sitting next to me, Frida Kahlo, Jenny Saville, Lucian Freud....just a few of my favourite artists. But I feel that if I look at them I might feel more discouraged than inspired. You know those days when someone elses amazing work makes you feel like crap about yourself!?
Instead I've chosen to try and write a blog post, done some tweeting and trying to do some networking. I must say that doing that stuff is rather boring, but I know it must be done if I'm going to make any money from what I do. It takes so much time to constantly update people on my every move, but it seems that is what has to be done if you want anyone to notice you! It feels a little scummy and fake but what can I do? I must suck...it....up!
I am also really hungry but not really inclined to do anything about it. What the heck is wrong with me today? Oh I know......it's because since I started back at work it has drained me, the soul sucking has started again. I have a very big, important decision to make, and I must make it soon.

Ok oatmeal time.

Ok Batman.....aren't you supposed to get rid of bats??

Nice......it's 5:30am and I'm awake....why you ask? Well maybe because THERE WAS A BAT IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yep. A bat. At 5:30am. Flying. A bat.
Yes there have been bats in here before and let me tell you, you don't get used to it and it doesn't lessen the scream factor when there's one that close and personal.
Aaaaaand of course it's when I'm here alone.....so clearly now I can't sleep and even though I managed to get it out of the house I'm still a little paranoid that there might be a little brother or sister bat waiting in the shadows.
Let me tell you though.....google rocks! google saved me tonight! hahaha......just typed in there "how to get rid of a bat in the house at night" and there you go! Of course it says turn off any lights.....well that's helpful when I'm googling and my laptop light is on....womp.

So yeah anyways.....I had to dress head to toe in sweats and hoodie (cause that's the only thing on my floor that I could see with my cell phone light, and might I add it's hawwwwwt in here) Then I had to make sure I could hear the little bastard flying in the bathroom so I could make a run for it down the stairs.....and for those of you who know this house it is no small feat to run through here in the dark and not die!

So after I didn't die from running to the front door, I turned on the porch light and opened the front door and sat on the couch waiting patiently with my hood up. It took a few minutes but after I flashed my cell phone light it came swooping into the living room......gahhhhhh......so in that instant I nearly flipped out because it wasn't flying to the light, it was flying around me (maybe because I'm pale and it thought I was a light?!!?!?) so I booted outside and waited behind the screen door until it finally flew out! PHEW!!!!!!!

And while this is going on some guy across the street is looking at me like I'm a loony cause I'm running around and hiding behind the door.....it's nice to know he was curious but that he couldn't be bothered to see if something was wrong! Thanks neighbour! I know it was just a bat but c'mon they're scary! hahaha

Sooooo now I'm really sleepy and it's almost 6am but I don't wanna go to sleep now. Imma scared! :(

On a side note....the new Batman movie sucked. We saw it at the drive in which was really cool! but yeah Batman, stick to bat removal ok!

HEEEEEEERE'S AMBIE!!!!!

Ok I'm back. I've been gone for quite some time but I think I'm almost mentally prepared to throw myself back into the world. Almost being the operative word here. Where do I start? Well since my last post a lot of things have changed in my life, most for the better thankfully. Other things not so great, but I guess if I had everything I wanted then I wouldn't appreciate what I have so much. I want to start this blog by saying that I'm seriously considering leaving my job (which I'm getting very minimal hours at anyways) to pursue my art. Yes I know this is a very risky idea, but have you ever gotten to the point in your life where you think if I don't do it now will I ever do it? Well I'm at that point. I'm extremely unhappy with my current job scenario. Though I have been in school to become a makeup artist and will continue to pursue that, I have to be honest with myself that my art is first and foremost and always has been. It's always in the background nagging me to get on with it. Though I'm sure a lot of artist know that making a living from art is very very difficult. Am I willing to live at home for even longer than I'd like? This is another huge dilemma I have. If I don't have the money to live on my own then this is something I have to deal with. Or do I find a roommate? Something I've always been very wary of, especially since I really like my privacy. So you can see the huge predicament I'm in. I can't (or shall we say I refuse to) get another full time retail job doing something that I loathe so that I can pay the bills. It's just something that in my heart I can't do to myself any longer. I'm not meant to be a salesperson. Sure I can do it but my heart's just not in it any longer. I've had some time off recently and have really gotten a taste of freedom, and let me tell you it's fucking amazing. So amazing in fact that I'm tempted to call into work today and say I'm never coming back. Being able to sit out here with the beautiful sunshine pouring in the window, writing and thinking about what piece of art I make next is the most amazing feeling ever. For this moment I actually feel like I am free. How can I give that up? How can I make it work for me? The only way I know how is to start up my blog again, get out there more, into the art scene......submit my work. Basically work my ass off to get noticed. I have a tendency to daydream, to think, ponder and analyze more often than taking action. Obviously this is something I'm aware of but a hard quality to change. Especially because I believe this is part of why I'm creative. Putting my illogical thinking aside to become more business oriented and to do all the dull stuff that comes with making oneself a success is very difficult for me. To me is it just more rules to have to follow. I guess I've really just come to the realization that even though I crave stability and some kind of routine I need to be free. I need to be free to make my own routines...... I think it's been a deep seeded need in me that I've just come to ignore so that I can just 'get the job done'. So where do I go from here? My head is so full of things I want to do and places I want to go, all of which need $$, so do I forfeit those things so I can be free from the constraints of a retail job? I know I have some serious thinking to do. Maybe I'm being unrealistic, but aren't those who've taken chances and thrown caution to the wind more self satisfied? I mean how could you not be? Knowing you've given a gigantic "Fuck You" to the disgusting corporations that hold you down and pay you the bare minimum to basically do stuff that on your own time you would never dream of doing. When I type it all out it seems the most obvious and logical answer. It's staring me in the face. Telling me to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy and to be free. And it's something that I can't ignore any longer.

Bloggering

I hate blogging. I am boring and don't do anything fun. EVER.

The end.

Arty Update

What's new with me you wonder? Well!!! Quite a bit actually! My nephew was born a few days ago......and he is super awesomely cute! ok now that I think about it that is the only thing exciting that has happened.
I'm trying to get on top of things, art wise. Clearly I am having a hard time with this as you can tell by the fact that I am writing instead of drawing. I am going to do some work today, there was just alot of other stuff that had to be done too.....you know, laundry, dishes and general cleaning. Now I'm just trying to get in the right frame of mind to draw. It doesn't help that I can hear some guy upstairs clomping around. It's so damn loud he sounds like he's gonna come through the ceiling. I hate apartments.

So I have done some arty things recently. I've been keeping a business/idea journal for my artwork. Like so I remember the shows I have done and stuff that I have submitted to. This is great for me cause I have a habit of not putting down dates, and when it comes to writing a resume I have no clue about when an event took place.
I've submitted to a few art events/shows lately. Haven't heard back yet, but hey! I don't get my hopes up about this stuff cause I think it's who you know and who you socialize with that gets you shows. And of course my problem with being anti social doesn't work for me so well.
I'm going to submit to Supercrawl for September.25th. I know it's a huge event and if I could get in there it would be great. *finger's crossed* I'm just a little concerned about my work being hung outside....what if it rains??

The Skateboard show at Loose Canon Art Gallery turned out really good! I checked it out and there were some freakin' fantastic boards. I'm really happy I got to be part of it! Thanks to anyone who went and checked it out.

Ok enough of my boring life.....I'm gonna go look for more things to submit my art to and do some actual artwork.

MAKE ART.....NOT FRIENDS!!! hahahhaha

What's up four eyes?

I spent most of today working on a new drawing commission. It's going really well and thanks to my new glasses my eyes don't feel like they are going to fall out of my face!
I still feel like I don't have enough time to do everything I need to. When I get on a roll with my drawing I can't stop....anyone who is creative can understand that I think. So where does that leave the dishes? still in the sink obviously.

It's really shitty knowing I have to go back to the dungeon again tomorrow. Don't get me wrong I like shopping for clothes and things but that place is like night of the living dead, day after day after day. Someone needs to hire a zombie killer for that place.

On a happier note, the skateboard show looks fantastical! Thanks to anyone who went out to see it! I'm sure it's up for roughly a month, though I could be mistaken. You should really check it out! There are so many awesome artists in Hamilton. I don't know why I'm so shocked sometimes. I suppose it's cause I spend my days in Jackson Square and it's hard to imagine a creative world outside that.
So I guess the art crawl was packed. I honestly don't like that stuff at all and don't usually go to art crawls...too many people :P I checked out the skateboard show pretty much as soon as it started and then went home. After standing at work for 8 hours I didn't feel like walking around looking at art. I was cranky to say the least.
But I heard there was a great turn out so I'm happy about that! I would love to be part of another group show again. It's a great way to get some art out there without the pressure of a solo show and doing it all yourself.

Well that's about all for now. I'm tired and I need to get ready to kill some zombies tomorrow....or atleast stun them with my death stare. JOY!

Really this one is about Art....I promise!

(this is not the finished piece but it pretty much looks like this!)



My skateboard is done! Well for the moment. I know every artist has those urges after the piece is complete to fix it or touch it up....which really means it's not done. It will never be done. I just have to accept and learn when to stop. I've learned this the hard way by working on something so much that I ended up ruining it. But sometimes you gotta learn the hard way! I used acrylics on the board...dollar store ones to be exact! hahaha. I had to give it a light sanding before I did my outline cause it was a bit too shiny to draw on with pencil. I haven't varnished it and I don't think I will, only cause my apt is tiny and varnish stinks.....soooo yeah, I would love to varnish it at some point but part of me is always afraid it will change the look of it and I kind of dig the matte look. I'm actually really relieved that the skateboard is done. I haven't had much time lately and I've got a few projects on the go. I find it really hard to divide my time and give each project enough attention.I have a really bad habit of biting off way more than I can chew. I have a hard time saying no to people when it comes to something artistic. I really want to be involved with different organizations and such but what ends up happening is that I can't follow through. There just isn't enough time in the day for me. Working five days a week makes it super difficult to be creative. The one thing that really sucks is that on atleast one of my days off a week I end up painting all day and the other one I end up doing cleaning and other household chores so I never get to hang out with my boyfriend :(
But anyhow I'm not gonna whine too much....I'm hoping that all this work I'm doing will at some point pay off and I will have the luxury of spending my time how I would like! Dream on right!? hahaha
Well now that the skateboard can be crossed of my list I can focus on finishing my latest pencil crayon drawing and starting the two commissions that I've been procrastinating on. Of course I also need to do a few more pencil crayon drawings just in case I do get chosen to do a solo art show at the Gallery on 4.
Oh man the list just keeps going on and on.......but I don't mind. I really want to do something with my art. I need to.

Thursday hurry up and get here!!!

So I'm super duper excited about next pay because it's almost like a freebie....well not really since I actually worked for it! July we get paid 3 times so this one I can buy stuff I've wanted for a while and pay some extra money on my credit cards (eek!) I already have my list of stuff that I'm going to buy. I'm such a nerd cause they are all books! Books that I've wanted for a while now but haven't been able to afford it. I also like to think that these are books that will help to inspire and motivate me to do more with my artwork (atleast that's what I tell myself!)
Here's the first book....Francesca Woodman, her photography is fucking brilliant. I'm so happy to have discovered her!
http://www.amazon.com/Francesca-Woodman-Chris-Townsend/dp/0714844306/ref=pd_sim_b_1

Here's the next one...Jenny Saville. Seriously what can I say. She's a modern day master....absolutely fucking brilliant in every way. I want to be her!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Jenny-Saville-Simon-Schama/dp/0847827577

And this is the awesome book that pretty much tells you everything about the art world and how to make a living from it. It's like the bible for artists!
http://www.amazon.com/How-Survive-Prosper-Artist-5th/dp/0805068007

I am going to order them on Thursday and I can't wait to get them!!! I will add them to my awesome collection of art books....which are all still at my mums :(
I really miss all my stuff. I know people think I'm a pack rat and I have too much stuff but it's all stuff I love so much. I love to have stuff surrounding me, it inspires me to make art. Chaos works well for me creatively. I think having an empty apartment with not much in it is like hell to me. Right now in this apartment I don't have much of my stuff at all....I mean I make do but when I want to look at a certain book to maybe get some inspiration I can't because it's not here. It bothers me alot.
When I look at photos of my old apartment it makes me so sad. It was decorated exactly how I liked it, I always had something to look at....each thing had it's own little story or memory. *sigh*
I'm hoping that in the very near future we will be moving. Hopefully somewhere that will feel like an actual home and not just some place that feels like a pit stop on the road to a real life. This past year has been a constant struggle, this is definitely not the place for us to live. There's nothing remotely redeeming about it, and I regret ever moving here. But I guess it's pointless thinking about it, all I can do is keep looking for somewhere else to live. Now when I look for somewhere else to live I will make sure of many things. I will not live in a highrise, or even a three story walk up. I will only live in a house that has a maximum of 2 or 3 tenants. What I really want is to live in my own house. I've just had it with living in a building with other people. No more.
Soooo anyhow. I gotta go paint some more.

This is how I feel today.

Lap Painting...An Art in Itself

Today it is 9000 degrees. I'm trying to paint but because I'm using acrylics it is drying much faster than usual. It's coming along though. It's quite awkward to paint on a skateboard. It's such an odd shape and I have to keep shifting it around on my lap to work on it. Yes....on my lap cause I have nowhere else to paint. Whatever, it's worked for me for 30 or so years so why stop now! Who needs a studio? I've come to realize that in my lifetime I may never acquire enough money to have one. Soooooo.......lap painting it is for me! :P hmmm....sounds kind of dirty.....well it is! It's messy and everything around me and my lap are covered with paint.
I'm really just taking a short break cause I was sweating to death....how can I sweat when I'm not even moving?

Change of topic. I feel like I'm turning into a recluse. Well not turning into, cause I kinda was before....but I'm finding that I have less and less reasons to go out. I'm just not interested in anything outside my little bubble anymore. Maybe I'm becoming paranoid, or maybe I'm too self centered. I just can't see any reason to go and drink and waste time and money. But then again people who do that are more carefree and probably have alot more fun than me. But in my mind I just can't find anything good about it. I wish I could not care about doing something with my life. I wish my only goal was to work in retail and be happy. I don't feel like I need to get recognition but I feel like I need to do something a little more substantial than working at a clothing store, for my own sanity atleast.
But then isn't that what any artist wants?

I think all artists want to belong but at the same time want to stand alone. I know for myself being compared to another artist can be flattering but at the same time all I can think is I want to have my own style.

Oh really who cares though....what's the point in analyzing? All it does is take me away from doing the actual work.

I wish that sometimes I didn't have to think so much.

Anyhow back to my lap painting.............

Some of my favourite pieces of art

~Lucien Freud



~John William Waterhouse



~Frida Kahlo



~William Bougereau



~Jean Michel Basquiat



~Nelson Shanks



~John Singer Sargent



~Jenny Saville

Jupiter in Gemini

"They are restless, and it is difficult for them to focus on any task for long, even accumulating money."

SHIT. I just accidentally erased my blog. Forget it I'm not writing all that again.

dreams......fuck you

You know what I hate? dreaming that you are getting ready for work and then waking up and realizing you have to get ready again. That makes me so angry. I JUST WASHED MY HAIR IN MY DREAM THANK YOU VERY MUCH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! and now I have to go to work after getting ready twice.

Naps suck.

Ok so I went to sleep after I got home from the day of hell at work and I woke up at 9:00pm. Bad call. Will I never learn that napping sucks for me? First of all it takes me a good hour atleast to fall asleep and then of course I wake up so late that now I'm gonna be up all night. Pooh. Now what? This sucks. To all the people who love naps.....SUCK IT! They are not good, they were invented by satan to fuck up my sleeping patterns.

Good morning!

I do nothing, therefore I am ......nothing

Let me start this off by saying I'm feeling extremely pissy today. Mostly with myself. I can't quite bring myself to do anything. You know those days where all you can do is daydream and wish you were somewhere else? well it's one of those days. I feel like I want to go for a walk and get some fresh air, but it's bloody hot out. I feel like I want to create something amazing but I feel like a blob of goo. I just can't do anything. I decided to cut my hair and I took some photos cause it's a little less time consuming and since I'm not officially a photographer I can take shitty photos and people can't say anything to me about it.
I've also been wasting my time looking at artists and photographers I love.....I shouldn't do that if I'm in a mood, all it does is make me feel like I'm not very good. Plus this book I'm reading on famous people who are mentally ill doesn't really help me. It kind of freaks me out to be honest. Fuck. This is one of my days off and I'm wasting it. I can't even relax. I can't even lay down on a couch and read a book leisurely cause we don't have a couch. I can't even lay in bed cause someones in there napping. So I get to sit at my computer desk and think of ways to amuse myself.
Is this what my life has come to? Right now it feels pretty fucking pathetic. I mean I know not everyday should be some grand spectacle but I mean all I do is work at my crummy job and then do nothing when I'm not there. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Some of you might be saying why not hang out with friends? well I don't have any. I used to, but not anymore. I think that's because of my own lack of interest in keeping a friendship and others lack of interest in me too. I'm not very fun I have to admit. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs. I'm not a fan of hanging out in bars with large groups of people. So where does that leave me? it leaves me sitting here writing about nothing in particular and trying to feel like I have something of interest to say.

Well I will leave you with some photos I took today.

CHECK ME OUT I'M FAMOUS BITCHES!!!!!

I'm featured on hamilton makes art's blog!!!! Check me out! WOO HOO!! I'm so happy I could die. Just kidding.....I like to quote little snippets from movies that I guess no one else would get but me. Yeah I'm lame but whatever I think I'm funny!

ART RULES!!! hahahaha. Okay I'll stop now.

Just click on the title and it will link you to hamilton makes art's blog!!

I did it!

Well I'm proud to say that I have finished my artist statement and resume. In all honestly I never thought that I'd come to the point in my life where I would feel like it was worth my while to get into the art scene. Now more than ever I feel like it's my time to really work hard to get myself out there. I've been told all my life that I should be doing something with my art, but you know what.... I never felt ready until now. Some people get a late start and I'm fine with that. I'm a late bloomer as they say.
Now the next step is to submit my artwork to an art gallery.....or more than one, because I highly doubt that the first go is gonna land me a gallery. Who knows how long it might take me to get representation but I'm gonna do my best. In the mean time I will try to have as many shows as I can and work like crazy on my art.
There's so much stuff that I want to do and I'm really excited to get things going. I know the first step is that I'm going to have to do some more socializing and schmoozing. That's tough being that I'm basically a shut in. That means going out to James St. Art Crawls and meeting people. That freaks me out!! I'm definitely socially awkward and always either end up hanging around the outskirts of the action or looking like a total bitch. I need someone to hold my hand and drag me out! hahaha!
This weeks goal is to finish the pencil crayon drawing I have been working on. I need to decide what I will paint on my skateboard for the show, then draw the outline atleast. I think that I should also probably do a cover letter for my resume....but I don't think at this point its absolutely necessary. Hmmmmm what else? well there are a million more things but I think these are the most important at the moment.
Tomorrow is the first of my two days off. I just worked six days in a row so I'm really happy to be able to have some time to really sit down and concentrate on my art. Now I'm just trying to think of what else is on my list that I can do tonight! No rest for the wicked!!!!