Monday, July 30, 2012
Ok I'm back. I've been gone for quite some time but I think I'm almost mentally prepared to throw myself back into the world. Almost being the operative word here. Where do I start? Well since my last post a lot of things have changed in my life, most for the better thankfully. Other things not so great, but I guess if I had everything I wanted then I wouldn't appreciate what I have so much. I want to start this blog by saying that I'm seriously considering leaving my job (which I'm getting very minimal hours at anyways) to pursue my art. Yes I know this is a very risky idea, but have you ever gotten to the point in your life where you think if I don't do it now will I ever do it? Well I'm at that point. I'm extremely unhappy with my current job scenario. Though I have been in school to become a makeup artist and will continue to pursue that, I have to be honest with myself that my art is first and foremost and always has been. It's always in the background nagging me to get on with it. Though I'm sure a lot of artist know that making a living from art is very very difficult. Am I willing to live at home for even longer than I'd like? This is another huge dilemma I have. If I don't have the money to live on my own then this is something I have to deal with. Or do I find a roommate? Something I've always been very wary of, especially since I really like my privacy. So you can see the huge predicament I'm in. I can't (or shall we say I refuse to) get another full time retail job doing something that I loathe so that I can pay the bills. It's just something that in my heart I can't do to myself any longer. I'm not meant to be a salesperson. Sure I can do it but my heart's just not in it any longer. I've had some time off recently and have really gotten a taste of freedom, and let me tell you it's fucking amazing. So amazing in fact that I'm tempted to call into work today and say I'm never coming back. Being able to sit out here with the beautiful sunshine pouring in the window, writing and thinking about what piece of art I make next is the most amazing feeling ever. For this moment I actually feel like I am free. How can I give that up? How can I make it work for me? The only way I know how is to start up my blog again, get out there more, into the art scene......submit my work. Basically work my ass off to get noticed. I have a tendency to daydream, to think, ponder and analyze more often than taking action. Obviously this is something I'm aware of but a hard quality to change. Especially because I believe this is part of why I'm creative. Putting my illogical thinking aside to become more business oriented and to do all the dull stuff that comes with making oneself a success is very difficult for me. To me is it just more rules to have to follow. I guess I've really just come to the realization that even though I crave stability and some kind of routine I need to be free. I need to be free to make my own routines...... I think it's been a deep seeded need in me that I've just come to ignore so that I can just 'get the job done'. So where do I go from here? My head is so full of things I want to do and places I want to go, all of which need $$, so do I forfeit those things so I can be free from the constraints of a retail job? I know I have some serious thinking to do. Maybe I'm being unrealistic, but aren't those who've taken chances and thrown caution to the wind more self satisfied? I mean how could you not be? Knowing you've given a gigantic "Fuck You" to the disgusting corporations that hold you down and pay you the bare minimum to basically do stuff that on your own time you would never dream of doing. When I type it all out it seems the most obvious and logical answer. It's staring me in the face. Telling me to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy and to be free. And it's something that I can't ignore any longer.