Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Art Studio.....back up and running!!!! (and new work in progress)

Yes it's been a long time coming, but it's back.....I finally will have somewhere quiet to work on my art, and my homework.....I'm sooooooooo happy I could die!!

and here it is.......

and here is my new work in progress (drawing of my bf)


I've spent the past 2 days cleaning and organizing my stuff, stuff that I have accumulated over a period of 15 years. This is not an easy feat.....and it's hard parting with some of my things, but I must do it. I'm by no means a minimalist but part of my brain needs minimalism to keep myself calm. My creativity needs clutter....therein lies the problem of my life!

I go through phases where I throw everything away and then regret it. I think because it becomes so overwhelming that I figure it's the only thing I can do. There has to be a better way though......doesn't there? I'm trying to follow the whole "if you haven't worn an item of clothing for a year then throw it out" rule........but the problem is that I think that maybe one day I will work at a job where I can wear my own clothing and then I will be sad that I threw it all away.

At the same time, I want everything gone! hahaha....it's hard to be me sometimes! :P

So school is starting again very soon and I'm super excited! What has happened to me? I used to really loathe school, but I think it's because now I'm doing something that I really want to do that I get excited about it. I actually really can't wait to start my Abnormal Psychology class....I know it has nothing to do with Makeup Artistry but I loooove it! I like working my brain.....and I love learning new things!

I don't want summer to end though.....

Monday, August 6, 2012

Sun in the Shade and randomness.

Ahhhhh it's so beautiful out here in the shade. I mean it's great in the sun too but if you know me you know that I don't get along with the sun that well. Though I must say I have actually gotten a tan this year, and now I look like an average human.
I'm also kinda bored and hungry which is why I'm writing this. I forgot to charge my ebike and I'm stranded in Dundas......not that I'm complaining.

Hahaha......so I dyed my hair black again. Surprise! Don't hassle me about it, you knew it would happen again someday! and yes I'll most likely hate it when my stupid white hairs start showing through, but just deal with it.

Tomorrow is Tuesday, so that means......nothing to you.....but to me it means another day off. I will do something fun and I will do atleast one piece of art. Even if it kills me.

I also have a feeling that I may quit my job much sooner than expected....I don't think I'm down with the whole just 2 days a week thing.....just 1 hour spent there turns me into a depressed bag of shit who wants nothing more than to crawl in a hole and sleep forever. And before you can say it can't be that bad....let me cut you off by saying IT IS!!!!!

Ok now I'm getting toasty out here and my feet are on fiyahhhhh! gonna go pick off the rest of my nailpolish! yeahhhhh

Friday, August 3, 2012

Inspire me.....please.

I'm in dire need of inspiration today. That dumb bat really messed with my sleep and I now have wasted literally the whole day trying to wake up.
I have a pile of art books sitting next to me, Frida Kahlo, Jenny Saville, Lucian Freud....just a few of my favourite artists. But I feel that if I look at them I might feel more discouraged than inspired. You know those days when someone elses amazing work makes you feel like crap about yourself!?
Instead I've chosen to try and write a blog post, done some tweeting and trying to do some networking. I must say that doing that stuff is rather boring, but I know it must be done if I'm going to make any money from what I do. It takes so much time to constantly update people on my every move, but it seems that is what has to be done if you want anyone to notice you! It feels a little scummy and fake but what can I do? I must suck...it....up!
I am also really hungry but not really inclined to do anything about it. What the heck is wrong with me today? Oh I know......it's because since I started back at work it has drained me, the soul sucking has started again. I have a very big, important decision to make, and I must make it soon.

Ok oatmeal time.

Ok Batman.....aren't you supposed to get rid of bats??

Nice......it's 5:30am and I'm awake....why you ask? Well maybe because THERE WAS A BAT IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yep. A bat. At 5:30am. Flying. A bat.
Yes there have been bats in here before and let me tell you, you don't get used to it and it doesn't lessen the scream factor when there's one that close and personal.
Aaaaaand of course it's when I'm here alone.....so clearly now I can't sleep and even though I managed to get it out of the house I'm still a little paranoid that there might be a little brother or sister bat waiting in the shadows.
Let me tell you though.....google rocks! google saved me tonight! hahaha......just typed in there "how to get rid of a bat in the house at night" and there you go! Of course it says turn off any lights.....well that's helpful when I'm googling and my laptop light is on....womp.

So yeah anyways.....I had to dress head to toe in sweats and hoodie (cause that's the only thing on my floor that I could see with my cell phone light, and might I add it's hawwwwwt in here) Then I had to make sure I could hear the little bastard flying in the bathroom so I could make a run for it down the stairs.....and for those of you who know this house it is no small feat to run through here in the dark and not die!

So after I didn't die from running to the front door, I turned on the porch light and opened the front door and sat on the couch waiting patiently with my hood up. It took a few minutes but after I flashed my cell phone light it came swooping into the living room......gahhhhhh......so in that instant I nearly flipped out because it wasn't flying to the light, it was flying around me (maybe because I'm pale and it thought I was a light?!!?!?) so I booted outside and waited behind the screen door until it finally flew out! PHEW!!!!!!!

And while this is going on some guy across the street is looking at me like I'm a loony cause I'm running around and hiding behind the door.....it's nice to know he was curious but that he couldn't be bothered to see if something was wrong! Thanks neighbour! I know it was just a bat but c'mon they're scary! hahaha

Sooooo now I'm really sleepy and it's almost 6am but I don't wanna go to sleep now. Imma scared! :(

On a side note....the new Batman movie sucked. We saw it at the drive in which was really cool! but yeah Batman, stick to bat removal ok!

Monday, July 30, 2012


Ok I'm back. I've been gone for quite some time but I think I'm almost mentally prepared to throw myself back into the world. Almost being the operative word here. Where do I start? Well since my last post a lot of things have changed in my life, most for the better thankfully. Other things not so great, but I guess if I had everything I wanted then I wouldn't appreciate what I have so much. I want to start this blog by saying that I'm seriously considering leaving my job (which I'm getting very minimal hours at anyways) to pursue my art. Yes I know this is a very risky idea, but have you ever gotten to the point in your life where you think if I don't do it now will I ever do it? Well I'm at that point. I'm extremely unhappy with my current job scenario. Though I have been in school to become a makeup artist and will continue to pursue that, I have to be honest with myself that my art is first and foremost and always has been. It's always in the background nagging me to get on with it. Though I'm sure a lot of artist know that making a living from art is very very difficult. Am I willing to live at home for even longer than I'd like? This is another huge dilemma I have. If I don't have the money to live on my own then this is something I have to deal with. Or do I find a roommate? Something I've always been very wary of, especially since I really like my privacy. So you can see the huge predicament I'm in. I can't (or shall we say I refuse to) get another full time retail job doing something that I loathe so that I can pay the bills. It's just something that in my heart I can't do to myself any longer. I'm not meant to be a salesperson. Sure I can do it but my heart's just not in it any longer. I've had some time off recently and have really gotten a taste of freedom, and let me tell you it's fucking amazing. So amazing in fact that I'm tempted to call into work today and say I'm never coming back. Being able to sit out here with the beautiful sunshine pouring in the window, writing and thinking about what piece of art I make next is the most amazing feeling ever. For this moment I actually feel like I am free. How can I give that up? How can I make it work for me? The only way I know how is to start up my blog again, get out there more, into the art scene......submit my work. Basically work my ass off to get noticed. I have a tendency to daydream, to think, ponder and analyze more often than taking action. Obviously this is something I'm aware of but a hard quality to change. Especially because I believe this is part of why I'm creative. Putting my illogical thinking aside to become more business oriented and to do all the dull stuff that comes with making oneself a success is very difficult for me. To me is it just more rules to have to follow. I guess I've really just come to the realization that even though I crave stability and some kind of routine I need to be free. I need to be free to make my own routines...... I think it's been a deep seeded need in me that I've just come to ignore so that I can just 'get the job done'. So where do I go from here? My head is so full of things I want to do and places I want to go, all of which need $$, so do I forfeit those things so I can be free from the constraints of a retail job? I know I have some serious thinking to do. Maybe I'm being unrealistic, but aren't those who've taken chances and thrown caution to the wind more self satisfied? I mean how could you not be? Knowing you've given a gigantic "Fuck You" to the disgusting corporations that hold you down and pay you the bare minimum to basically do stuff that on your own time you would never dream of doing. When I type it all out it seems the most obvious and logical answer. It's staring me in the face. Telling me to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy and to be free. And it's something that I can't ignore any longer.

Friday, September 10, 2010


I hate blogging. I am boring and don't do anything fun. EVER.

The end.