Monday, June 21, 2010

I do nothing, therefore I am ......nothing

Let me start this off by saying I'm feeling extremely pissy today. Mostly with myself. I can't quite bring myself to do anything. You know those days where all you can do is daydream and wish you were somewhere else? well it's one of those days. I feel like I want to go for a walk and get some fresh air, but it's bloody hot out. I feel like I want to create something amazing but I feel like a blob of goo. I just can't do anything. I decided to cut my hair and I took some photos cause it's a little less time consuming and since I'm not officially a photographer I can take shitty photos and people can't say anything to me about it.
I've also been wasting my time looking at artists and photographers I love.....I shouldn't do that if I'm in a mood, all it does is make me feel like I'm not very good. Plus this book I'm reading on famous people who are mentally ill doesn't really help me. It kind of freaks me out to be honest. Fuck. This is one of my days off and I'm wasting it. I can't even relax. I can't even lay down on a couch and read a book leisurely cause we don't have a couch. I can't even lay in bed cause someones in there napping. So I get to sit at my computer desk and think of ways to amuse myself.
Is this what my life has come to? Right now it feels pretty fucking pathetic. I mean I know not everyday should be some grand spectacle but I mean all I do is work at my crummy job and then do nothing when I'm not there. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Some of you might be saying why not hang out with friends? well I don't have any. I used to, but not anymore. I think that's because of my own lack of interest in keeping a friendship and others lack of interest in me too. I'm not very fun I have to admit. I don't drink or smoke or do drugs. I'm not a fan of hanging out in bars with large groups of people. So where does that leave me? it leaves me sitting here writing about nothing in particular and trying to feel like I have something of interest to say.

Well I will leave you with some photos I took today.
















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4 comments:

  1. chelsea wattJune 21, 2010 at 8:24 PM

    these days happen, i have them too. i feel the exact way about not having friends sometimes and feeling boring. i don't know how to curb those feelings, so i'm not any help, sorry.

    but i really like your hair cut and your photos. and tomorrow is another day :) and don't let work bring you down too much. shitty jobs are shitty but unfortunately it's a part of life (right now).

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  2. joleneJune 21, 2010 at 9:24 PM

    i'm starting to get offended when you keep saying you have no friends :P i'd like to think that i am your friend and not only that, i'm a friend that lives right on your street and is willing to hang out like...ANYTIME :P

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  3. AnonymousJune 21, 2010 at 9:45 PM

    Yo, It's Janey. I'm your friend too, so quit yer lying about that =D Also, I waste my brain arguably more than anyone I know so don't sweat it. Seriously, anytime in the future when you're feeling down, just take a second and wonder to yourself "What is Janey doing right now?" Then remember: whatever it is, it probably requires the use on no more than 2 brain cells.
    bye. friend.

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  4. Art By Amber DJune 22, 2010 at 11:13 PM

    haha....thanks guys...I know you are my friends, I'm just a moody bitch!

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