Really this one is about Art....I promise!

(this is not the finished piece but it pretty much looks like this!)



My skateboard is done! Well for the moment. I know every artist has those urges after the piece is complete to fix it or touch it up....which really means it's not done. It will never be done. I just have to accept and learn when to stop. I've learned this the hard way by working on something so much that I ended up ruining it. But sometimes you gotta learn the hard way! I used acrylics on the board...dollar store ones to be exact! hahaha. I had to give it a light sanding before I did my outline cause it was a bit too shiny to draw on with pencil. I haven't varnished it and I don't think I will, only cause my apt is tiny and varnish stinks.....soooo yeah, I would love to varnish it at some point but part of me is always afraid it will change the look of it and I kind of dig the matte look. I'm actually really relieved that the skateboard is done. I haven't had much time lately and I've got a few projects on the go. I find it really hard to divide my time and give each project enough attention.I have a really bad habit of biting off way more than I can chew. I have a hard time saying no to people when it comes to something artistic. I really want to be involved with different organizations and such but what ends up happening is that I can't follow through. There just isn't enough time in the day for me. Working five days a week makes it super difficult to be creative. The one thing that really sucks is that on atleast one of my days off a week I end up painting all day and the other one I end up doing cleaning and other household chores so I never get to hang out with my boyfriend :(
But anyhow I'm not gonna whine too much....I'm hoping that all this work I'm doing will at some point pay off and I will have the luxury of spending my time how I would like! Dream on right!? hahaha
Well now that the skateboard can be crossed of my list I can focus on finishing my latest pencil crayon drawing and starting the two commissions that I've been procrastinating on. Of course I also need to do a few more pencil crayon drawings just in case I do get chosen to do a solo art show at the Gallery on 4.
Oh man the list just keeps going on and on.......but I don't mind. I really want to do something with my art. I need to.

Thursday hurry up and get here!!!

So I'm super duper excited about next pay because it's almost like a freebie....well not really since I actually worked for it! July we get paid 3 times so this one I can buy stuff I've wanted for a while and pay some extra money on my credit cards (eek!) I already have my list of stuff that I'm going to buy. I'm such a nerd cause they are all books! Books that I've wanted for a while now but haven't been able to afford it. I also like to think that these are books that will help to inspire and motivate me to do more with my artwork (atleast that's what I tell myself!)
Here's the first book....Francesca Woodman, her photography is fucking brilliant. I'm so happy to have discovered her!
http://www.amazon.com/Francesca-Woodman-Chris-Townsend/dp/0714844306/ref=pd_sim_b_1

Here's the next one...Jenny Saville. Seriously what can I say. She's a modern day master....absolutely fucking brilliant in every way. I want to be her!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Jenny-Saville-Simon-Schama/dp/0847827577

And this is the awesome book that pretty much tells you everything about the art world and how to make a living from it. It's like the bible for artists!
http://www.amazon.com/How-Survive-Prosper-Artist-5th/dp/0805068007

I am going to order them on Thursday and I can't wait to get them!!! I will add them to my awesome collection of art books....which are all still at my mums :(
I really miss all my stuff. I know people think I'm a pack rat and I have too much stuff but it's all stuff I love so much. I love to have stuff surrounding me, it inspires me to make art. Chaos works well for me creatively. I think having an empty apartment with not much in it is like hell to me. Right now in this apartment I don't have much of my stuff at all....I mean I make do but when I want to look at a certain book to maybe get some inspiration I can't because it's not here. It bothers me alot.
When I look at photos of my old apartment it makes me so sad. It was decorated exactly how I liked it, I always had something to look at....each thing had it's own little story or memory. *sigh*
I'm hoping that in the very near future we will be moving. Hopefully somewhere that will feel like an actual home and not just some place that feels like a pit stop on the road to a real life. This past year has been a constant struggle, this is definitely not the place for us to live. There's nothing remotely redeeming about it, and I regret ever moving here. But I guess it's pointless thinking about it, all I can do is keep looking for somewhere else to live. Now when I look for somewhere else to live I will make sure of many things. I will not live in a highrise, or even a three story walk up. I will only live in a house that has a maximum of 2 or 3 tenants. What I really want is to live in my own house. I've just had it with living in a building with other people. No more.
Soooo anyhow. I gotta go paint some more.

This is how I feel today.

Lap Painting...An Art in Itself

Today it is 9000 degrees. I'm trying to paint but because I'm using acrylics it is drying much faster than usual. It's coming along though. It's quite awkward to paint on a skateboard. It's such an odd shape and I have to keep shifting it around on my lap to work on it. Yes....on my lap cause I have nowhere else to paint. Whatever, it's worked for me for 30 or so years so why stop now! Who needs a studio? I've come to realize that in my lifetime I may never acquire enough money to have one. Soooooo.......lap painting it is for me! :P hmmm....sounds kind of dirty.....well it is! It's messy and everything around me and my lap are covered with paint.
I'm really just taking a short break cause I was sweating to death....how can I sweat when I'm not even moving?

Change of topic. I feel like I'm turning into a recluse. Well not turning into, cause I kinda was before....but I'm finding that I have less and less reasons to go out. I'm just not interested in anything outside my little bubble anymore. Maybe I'm becoming paranoid, or maybe I'm too self centered. I just can't see any reason to go and drink and waste time and money. But then again people who do that are more carefree and probably have alot more fun than me. But in my mind I just can't find anything good about it. I wish I could not care about doing something with my life. I wish my only goal was to work in retail and be happy. I don't feel like I need to get recognition but I feel like I need to do something a little more substantial than working at a clothing store, for my own sanity atleast.
But then isn't that what any artist wants?

I think all artists want to belong but at the same time want to stand alone. I know for myself being compared to another artist can be flattering but at the same time all I can think is I want to have my own style.

Oh really who cares though....what's the point in analyzing? All it does is take me away from doing the actual work.

I wish that sometimes I didn't have to think so much.

Anyhow back to my lap painting.............